tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7427660601686246063.post6926821202839994614..comments2023-05-14T07:01:43.831-06:00Comments on Brainucopia: The sum of my partsMay Voirreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02124732707708291801noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7427660601686246063.post-57548542890217995092008-06-17T23:57:00.000-06:002008-06-17T23:57:00.000-06:00May,I must disagree with your therapist. It is po...May,<BR/>I must disagree with your therapist. It is possible to re-route your brain. The easy way to explain it is that as your brain learns behaviors it creates a shortcut, it carves a neural pathway from "there's a pretty girl" to "I hate myself", because you have taught your brain that A has a direct correlation to B. I have suffered from the not enoughs for most of my life, and I really, truly understand the agony that little neural shortcut can cause.<BR/><BR/>I learned that by being painstakingly diligent to every single "Thought Monkey" (my name for those horrid, self-destructive thoughts that jump around screeching and demanding attention), and having a set argument to address the "monkey" , the same argument every time, that I could carve a new pathway, from A to C.<BR/><BR/>For example, I if I thought "I am not pretty enough; I cannot compete with these skinny girls and their low rise jeans, and tight tops", I would usually follow it with a suicidal thought, or just general utter self-loathing and self-contempt. After my diagnosis and the spectacular suicide attempt that directly preceded it, I set about resetting my mind. It took a little more than six months of constant vigilance. It was the single most exhausting effort I have ever undertaken, and the most empowering.<BR/><BR/>My new response (well, 5 yrs new) is composed of a couple of thoughts: "enough what? and, who personally set this standard? and, how has that person improved my life exactly? and, my son and my friends, and, yes, my husband think I am enough for them, and they are the people most important to me. <BR/><BR/>These responses are automatic for me now. Neural pathways rerouted. IT IS NOT A PERFECT PATHWAY. But, I have given myself the gift of doubt. I don't automatically accept the Thought Monkey as the absolute truth. I see it for what it is, a cognitive distortion, and I do my best to straighten it out. Sometimes if I am really depressed it takes a few tries, but I eventually succeed. So please don't accept the wiring of your brain as a fixed, unchangeable situation. Your mind is wonderfully malleable, and when you feel stronger I hope that you can heal your insecurities. I'm sending you TLC.Sophie in the Moonlighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14754353352676037813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7427660601686246063.post-87702755607363466782008-06-17T20:48:00.000-06:002008-06-17T20:48:00.000-06:00You need to understand that being the odd man out ...You need to understand that being the odd man out in your family is a *good* thing -- same as Michael's, it's what I call the "Marilyn factor". You're Marilyn Munster, *you're* the normal one. Your sister is skinny, your brothers are athletic but would you want to be any one of them for one second? I wouldn't want you to be. If you were, I wouldn't have ever given you the time of day.<BR/>Some rewiring must be possible -- I'm not still sitting in Bill what's-his-name's chair because I'm so afraid I wake up choking at night.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7427660601686246063.post-47416649460984418332008-06-17T19:59:00.000-06:002008-06-17T19:59:00.000-06:00Perhaps a complete and total brain rewire might no...Perhaps a complete and total brain rewire might not be possible, but most psychiatrists don't want people to know that ANY rewiring is possible. It would damage their business too badly. If I learned to love myself, and if that is a rewire, then I'm proof that it's possible. Don't get me wrong, I still have issues with that stuff. I don't like the idea of ever looking old, for instance. And remember the recent benign breast lump? I immediately became infuriated with my body and wanted a double mastectomy regardless of any test outcome. I shit you not. Then I even lost a little weight in an effort to make my breasts "go away and leave me alone". That said, I no longer think I am ugly or disgusting or that everything bad that happnes in my life is my fault or happened because I am somehow defective. I love me. I am starting to truly, truly heart me. <BR/><BR/>{{{{ME}}}}<BR/><BR/>:-)<BR/><BR/>I heart me even though I am probably a little bit too thin and *still* have some cellulite on my ass. It's MY ass, therefor it is good. I heart me even though I wear a AA cup. Yup. I love my little breasts. And anyone who doesn't can kiss my dimpled ass. I heart me even though I wear size 10 shoes and have really thumpy and clumsy looking elbows. Again -- they're MY elbows, therefor they rock. My nose is shaped funny and my nostrils are too big. My smile looks a little crooked to me. I have a scar on my right shin bone. I have too much hair on my arms. That doesn't really look feminine, does it? I don't really care. I am 'imperfect' and yet -- I think I'm hot anyway.<BR/><BR/>I HEART ME!!!<BR/><BR/>Somethings CAN be rewired, but it doesn't happen in a moment of insight. It takes work and it takes time.<BR/><BR/>(p.s. Self-hatred is not really about loathing one's physical appearance. I know people are thoroughly convinced that it is, but it's not. That is simply one of its manifestations.)<BR/><BR/>{{{{{{{{ME}}}}}}}}<BR/><BR/>{{{{{{{{MAY}}}}}}}}<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>--LynnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7427660601686246063.post-82437910315171634062008-06-17T19:48:00.000-06:002008-06-17T19:48:00.000-06:00I have finally reached the conclusion that how I a...I have finally reached the conclusion that how I appear to others is not important. I believe it is possible to modify your behavior/beliefs. My therapist helped me greatly in gaining a positive self image and not worrying what others think. I feel your pain but believe there is hope.Portia Micellohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03920868654187964951noreply@blogger.com