How do you measure progress?

I recently took a huge leap of faith and invited Elizabeth to read my blog. I didn't think she actually would. I worried she would. The whole thing is so self-absorbed. Then again, it's the only thing in my life that honors me. God knows, nobody else puts much thought into me. Except Jolie.

While I'm off from work, I decided to spend some time each day reading my blog from the beginning. It helps me gain perspective on my progress as a patient and as an ever-evolving human being.

Now that I know someone else is reading--someone I know--I read with a different view. I wonder as I go along, "What the hell must she be thinking if she's reading this post?" I was surprised to see that I had mentioned Elizabeth three years ago. Timing is everything in relationships.

I'm not egotistical, but my blog is self-serving. I write for me, to benefit my own mental health. The fact that anyone else is interested just fascinates me.

Here is what I know so far:

• I am not so angry now. I've gotten better at neutralizing the traumas of illness and unreliable people.
• I need to make some friends.
• I really do whine a lot about exercise.
• My writing skills have not suffered during this time of brain compromise.
• I am emotionally healthier than I've ever been since 2003.
• I never want to have shingles again
• "Shingles" and "Oz" are the two most-searched terms that land people on my blog via a search engine. Huh. Interesting.

I'm still tired and ugly, obsese, confused by the medical system, and confident that a good, solid lottery win will go a long way in making my life better.