How my brain works

I missed a week of workouts. I finally made it back to the gym today, but only worked out for a half-hour. I should be telling myself, "May, good job. You were tired and you had a dislodged contact lens. You went and put in some time anyway. Good for you."

That's not the dialogue that went on in my head tonight. The conversation was more like this:
"Seriously? Only a half-hour? You need at least an hour of cardio, plus a good leg workout. A half-hour isn't going to do much for you. That doesn't even burn off lunch. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror today? There's a reason you look like that, and it's called missing a week of workouts and then only sweating for 30 minutes. You're pathetic."

And that, right there, is pretty much all you need to know about how my brain functions.