Fuck-me pumps they're not

Among the many insults my body has thrown at me, it is the foot pain I resent the most. Random nerve firings cause muscle spasms and those muscles yank bone from where it was intended to reside. This causes pain, of course, but it has also altered my gait, which in turn has tortured my feet.

Some days, I can barely walk.

After investigating the cost of orthotics, I opted for Very Good Shoes, per the advice of the physical therapists. Here's the thing, though: My feet are very oddly shaped and sized, which has always limited my shoe choices. While trying to buy Very Good Shoes, my options became severely limited.

I did the best with what my feet would tolerate. Pictured here is one-half of a pair of $200 shoes. I didn't know whether I should wear them or frame them.

There are two other pairs of shoes, resulting in a $389 shopping trip. Oh, the fun things I could have done with almost $400. Buying dorky shoes was not among them. Frank looked at the choices before me in the shoe store and said, "Oh, come on honey. Just go for the SAS shoes and get it over with. You're practically there already..."