Monday, December 31, 2007

Musings on New Year's Eve

It's time to be honest with myself. There are some things I just need to face as the new year rolls in...
  1. I will never be the master of my bank account. I am mathematically retarded, and I mean that in the dictionary sense of retarded, not the adolescent insult sense.
  2. Sooner or later, I alienate everyone who interacts with me. I do not play well with others.
  3. I am a housekeeping failure, and as much as I want to be OK with that, I never am.
  4. I really want to quit my job. I've had enough of being a compassionate helping hand. It may be time to go back to hard-core capitalism. Out with the Dali Lama, in with Ayn Rand.
  5. I used to be funny and social, but that May is gone. Can I accept my new reality...I prefer solitude?
  6. There are really only two people who I know, for sure, love me. Two. Others may think they do, but the interpretation of the verb varies quite a bit from person to person, you know?
  7. I have an Internet addiction.
  8. I am trapped in my own head.
  9. Upon further contact, I am hard to like.
  10. It's not really the job. I just don't want to work anymore. 99% of the stress or depression in my life is triggered by work.
  11. I maintain two personas and probably will have to do so for the rest of my life. It exhausts me. If you read this blog with any frequency, you may find it hard to believe that I am bubbly, outgoing, really funny, and warm in real life. Give me an Oscar because outside of this house, I doubt that anyone suspects how intensely serious and dark I really am.
  12. There is no hope for me. I don't think I can fix any of it, not that I haven't tried. Some people never run out of fight. I am not one of them.

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