Sunday, August 24, 2008

Four hours

Four hours of sleep. I actually slept, so that in and of itself is a miracle. I want to live without Ambien. It was never intended to be a long-term medication. There is some concern in the medical world that nobody knows what long-term effects this drug will have on the brain and brain wave patterns. My brain has been smacked around enough. Let's give it a little love and try to do without the Ambien. I'm becoming immune to it anyway.

I'm tired. I want to take a nap. Nap = bad. Falling asleep in front of the TV = bad. Must stay awake all day.

It's a gorgeous, sunny day here. I should probably step away from the computer and do something outside. I'm avoiding that because my back patio is full of handmade textiles that need to air out. They smell like mothballs. They spent quality time in a jungle. If I go outside, I will be reminded that all of those things need to be ironed or steamed because they're terribly wrinkled. I can't tell you more about that whole story because it's connected to a part of my life I don't share here. Trust me, it's interesting.

I was outside earlier today, trying to clear my head and not think about life so much. The late-summer wave of flowers has bloomed in my garden, so I went out and tried to take pictures. My hand tremor has been pretty bad lately, though, so most of the pictures were out of focus. I did my best uder the circumstances. My husband said he has noticed that my hand tremor is getting worse. He really never noticed the tremor before, but now he can clearly see it.

I hope this doesn't mean lithium is going to fail me. As much as I don't look forward to kidney failure, as much as I hate the weight gain...Lithium works. I am not dead. That's called proof. I live with a nagging fear that any of my meds will crap out. It took a long time and a lot of misery to get the mix just right. I have no interest in revisiting that process, although I hear it's inevitable.

I hate my brain. I hate medication.

My brain is tired. I am tired. Why does everything overwhelm me? Get off the couch, May. Go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine, May. Drink more water. Get a life, May.

Fuschia cosmo


Zinnia


Pink cosmo


Sunflower center

6 comments:

Lynn said...

I like pic #1 the best. They are all very, very nice, though.

Anonymous said...

If those are the shaky images, what do the good ones look like? Those are amazing.

May Voirrey said...

If you click on them, they bloom to the size of your monitor. I did not compress.

Those are the pictures that happened when the hand tremor cooperated. The rest of the photos look like they were taken in a brisk wind.

Thanks for the compliment and glad you enjoyed the photos!

Ambien Side Effects said...

My name is Carrie James and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ambien.

I have taken for 30 days. I am 23 years old. First I took it to help me fall asleep. After a couple of days I noticed that it made me feel really good, so I would take it just to feel the high that it gave me. I would had no memory of what I did the night before. Every night I did really weird things like send out strange emails, take weird pictures, and I fear that I did things that I still don't know about. I would also hallucinate. I would just spend a lot of time staring at things watching them move, like the wall or notes on sheet music. I was way too distracted to go to bed. It made me tired, but I didn't want to go to bed. I stopped taking it because I don't want to get involved with something like that. I think about it all the time and I have cravings for it, but I just don't think I need anymore problems.

Side Effects :
Hallucinations, feeling of being high, and no memory of things I did the night before.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Carrie James

oliver said...

I've tried several different sleep medications for insomnia and while attempting to get used to the CPAP machine for sleep apnea. Ambien CR works great, I can get a full nights sleep, however go to bed within 1 hour of taking the medication or you will feel a bit drugged. I don't recommend taking every night, it is addictive (try not to take more than 3 nights in a row). It is more difficult to wean off from than regular Ambien. Overall, if needed this is a good medication if taken responsibly. read more.

zolpidem side effects said...

This has been very helpful for me. My sleeping pattern has been messed up for years since having a daughter with a significant disability which included among many other things a sleeping disorder. Ambien has enabled me to fall asleep consistently after a short period of time trying to fall asleep whereas I used to more often than not lay awake for hours before falling asleep. It is interesting for me that there has been a couple of times where I was not able to go to bed for over an hour after taking it and it didn't seem to make me feel any more groggy or sleepy, but when I did finally go to bed, I fell right asleep.