I'm no expert

Years ago, I moved my professional life out of the corporate world and firmly into the realm of the nonprofit. It really just means I get to work 70 hours a week for a lot less money.

One of the things I had hoped to leave behind in my corporate life was the entire concept of Team Building. Who has time to love their coworkers? We come to work, we do our jobs, we make adjustments as necessary. If only.

There is always that little group of rah-rah enthusiasts who want the workday to include oh-so-much more. Enter these terms: Goal Committee, Satisfaction Team, Professional Development.

For the past few years, I've managed to avoid any real participation on any "team," even those that were mandated. Last year, I signed up for a goal committee and just never went to any of the meetings. You may be shocked--shocked--to learn that my recalcitrant ways had no impact at all on life at my workplace.

This year I'm having trouble being quite so invisible. I have been assigned a role in professional development, whether I like it or not, and hiding is not possible. "May," the upper manager said, "You must teach a workshop for your fellow employees. We want this year's theme to focus on more effective use of technology."

I sat there feeling a little stunned. I hate being assigned any work above and beyond what I already do--see above sentence regarding the length of my work week, There didn't seem to be any choice involved on my part. There was no "would you mind," or "Can we get you to..."

The upper manager--a woman in her early sixties who has a permanent dark tan and who recently underwent multiple cosmetic surgery procedures (including a boob job)--coughed the raspy cough of a heavy smoker. "What tech topic can you share with your colleagues?" I offered up managing digital photo files, making the most of Outlook, and giving an overview of all things Google. Perpetual Tan with Smoker's Cough And Perky Boobs managed a stiff Restylane smile and said, "Someone told me you maintain two job-related blogs. We've put you down for blogging. Let me know what day and time you'll present, and include a short, written description of what you'll cover in your presentation. Oh, we're scheduling presentations for mid-week, between 3:00 and 5:00, from now until mid-December. I need your information later today."

I kid you not. Choice. I had so many, it was truly underwhelming.

And so it has come to be that in about a month, I will do a two-hour presentation on the joys, how-tos, and whys of blogging. I guess this means I need to get crackin' understanding all of those widgets and things I never use. I also need a good title. So far, I've come up with:

• Use free Internet space to shamelessly promote your commercial enterprise because you're too cheap to actually pay for Web hosting service.
• Blogging: The ultimate self-indulgent way to prove your own existence.
• Creating a blog: Please tell me you'll do more than just post photos of and write about your new grandbaby.
• Blog it out, babe: Therapy and self-help in the digital age.
• RSS, widgets, Twitter, and you: I have no idea, why are you asking me?

Oy. Maybe I'll think about this after I finish my monthly report, my quarterly report, and a major conference presentation that's coming up in two weeks. Who has time to blog?