Time management

It's 1:15 a.m. I'm awake, but not because of insomnia. In approximately 12 hours, I am scheduled to do a presentation at a professional conference. At least I didn't have to travel to this one.

1:15. In the morning. I haven't written the presentation yet. I haven't assembled the props yet. I haven't checked to make sure the projector will cooperate with my laptop. I haven't ironed something to wear because I have no idea what I will wear.

This is not a confession. The truth is, I am ambivalent about this presentation. The topic is a little obscure and we're scheduled in the last slot on the last day. It wouldn't surprise me if it turns out that there are more of us on the presenting team than there are in the audience.

I have hours of work ahead of me because, ultimately, I won't do this in a half-assed manner. It's not my nature. Still, I wonder. There are four of us presenting and two more assisting, yet, I'm the only one working on the content and PowerPoint. I asked for all sorts of things from the others on the team. I gave them 89 days to prepare. When it was time to put everything together, I had nothing from the other people. Nothing.

Maybe I don't care about the impression I make. I am actually pressured by something else: Reputation. I didn't keep a low profile for many years. I went to meetings and workshops and I presented at conferences. I helped plan conferences (I don't recommend that for the faint of heart or easily stressed). People know who I am and they know that I do good work, and damn it, I can't skate through this thinking nobody will notice if I phone it in. I took a two-year break from presenting at conferences, but I think I should have made that three.

1:15 (a little later). It wasn't procrastination. My job--the part I get paid for--has been increasing in workload for months. I am one person doing the work of two (maybe three), and there's still too much to do. There was no time to steal from the regular work to devote to writing the presentation.

I think I am precariously close to burnout.

There's no time for burnout. I have a presentation to finish writing.

I'm tired.