Made it

Mom flew home today. All in all, it was an OK visit--not too stressful for me or for my husband. We tried to adapt as we went along.

I'm pretty sure my mother thinks we're boring. We hate sports, we don't have any money so we don't go out or do anything, and we don't shop much. My mother is a baseball fanatic, and her team is in the playoffs right now. Both of her teams, actually. I guess if the Phillies play the Rays, her head could explode. We were forced not only to watch baseball the whole time she was here, but also to listen to the sports station on the car radio whenever we went out. I was ready to open the car door and pitch myself into traffic on several occasions.

The weather was exceptionally shitty the whole time my mother was here. This is the express route to depression and irritability for me. I get claustrophobic. I detest crappy weather. I detest cold and damp and pissing drizzle and a sky so overcast my camera automatically engages the flash even though it's the middle of the day and I'm taking a picture outside. Blech.

My husband and I have been watching Breaking Bad. We missed the first season, but it's on AMC again. Tonight's episode had a compelling monologue about choosing not to prolong one's life just for the emotional satisfaction of others. The main character has cancer but he doesn't want to pursue treatment because the cancer is guaranteed to be fatal anyway. His family is incensed by this decision, and in the aforementioned monologue, Walt explains that he just wants to choose for himself whether or not to artificially prolong his life.

My husband knows how I feel about this. I already told him many times that if I were to come down with cancer, I would not pursue treatment, either. I don't see the point of going through cancer treatment only to be left alive but bankrupt, homeless, and probably uninsurable when the next round comes along. I watched it happen to my grandfather and to someone I work with. Both died anyway. We all die anyway.