Blogging on a plane

Wednesday, August 11, 2010.
Somewhere over the desert

Away. I’ve been away since about sunrise Saturday morning, making this my fifth day many miles from home. I’ve made this particular trip twice before. This would have been the fourth time, but last summer, Jolie wasn’t really up for the task of hosting me.

The grant that funds my employment and that of 20 people who work with me is not adequate to cover our salaries for an entire year. For this reason, we take off six weeks each year, unpaid. The time is divided out throughout the year, so as not to create a large financial burden in a single pay period.

It does not bother me that my vacation time, though more than justly earned, comes without pay. I’m fortunate to be employed in a job that I find meaningful and that pays me adequately. This being said, when vacation time comes, I am ready for it because I usually arrive at this point exhausted—depleted emotionally and physically. The last few years have been especially difficult, given my often disturbing yet amazing journey through self-discovery (Jolie, dear, that sentence was just for you).

I rarely pull out my laptop while on a plane, but today I have the entire three-seat section of row all to myself. I’m too frugal to pay for a seat upgrade with extra room. I’m not even 5’ 2”, so it doesn’t offer me any perceivable benefit, and today I would have had people next to me. If that had happened, there would be no room for a laptop and a glass of chardonnay, as this requires two tray tables, and I’ve yet to find anyone willing to share.

I have relocated from the aisle seat to the window, and my binoculars are on the adjacent seat. Unfortunately, flying so late in the day means that clouds have had many hours to collect the few water molecules that come together over the desert, so there’s not much to see.

Vacation. Jolie lives amid a shimmering oasis of affluence surrounded by ruddy and rusty stretches of desert. It amuses me that so many people who live there are trying to outrun the natural aging process by way of cosmetic surgery and a seemingly unending abundance of available dermaceutical processes. What they really need is to move out of the desert to more humid, less sun-intensive climate.

I digress.

Not visiting Jolie last year left a hole in my summer that I struggled to fill. Keeping busy wasn’t a problem, but being interested in my own company was a challenge. Even this vacation, I followed through on my promise to Dr. S and I got some form of exercise or movement every day.

Overall, the visit went well. I’m horribly self-conscious when I’m out of my home zone, especially when I’m around people I like. It’s no secret that I can be exceptionally annoying—and it’s likely the reason my only close friend is one who lives far away.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to feel well or to feel confident, or to feel at ease with myself, or to just enjoy where and who I am at any given moment. My mind stays firmly fixed on doing what I need to so as not to be perceived as a fat, dorky, loser.

I know that Jolie needs a lot of rest, but she was a good sport who played along with my wish to get out and do touristy things. It’s going to take her days to recover. It’s going to take me days to recover. I tried to be a low-key, low-maintenance guest, but sometimes I forget to be hypervigilant, so I’m sure I could have done better all around.

Now, to figure out the rest of my vacation.