Saturday, September 1, 2007

One more reason to hate my body

I don't think I'm imagining this, and that's worse than if I were. I seem to be emitting some bizarre, hard-to-define body odor. Nothing helps.

I smell like dirty laundry. Sometimes I just smell like toast, but mostly I smell bad. I hate my body to the fuckin' core already, so it seems unfair that it found a way to be even more repulsive.

I have impeccable hygiene. To address my problem, though, I've stepped things up a bit. I now shower with anti-bacterial soap. It's anti-bacterial hand wash, actually, and it contains extra cleansing grains that "pop" additional anti-bac ingredients onto the skin when you lather up. I scrub myself tingly in the shower due to my fervent desire to exfoliate any remaining cells that might decay on my skin and contribute to the weird, weird smell.

I use a potent antiperspirant/deodorant, and I use anti-bacterial super-drying powder on any part of my body that might sweat. Outside of myself, I am diligent about doing laundry. I won't wear anything twice, even if I only had it on for a couple of hours and I did nothing during that time. With all of the laundry I'm churning out, I dread seeing the next water bill.

On the plus side, my husband says he doesn't smell a thing. He insists I don't smell like anything at all, whereas I find the smell of our bed sheets to be almost intolerable after sleeping on them for only two or three nights. I read somewhere that taking medications like the ones I do can actually not only make your olfactory senses hypersensitive, but also skew the accuracy of your sense of smell. Oh, God, is it really all in my head?

Just to be on the safe side, I started taking probiotic supplements earlier this summer. I read somewhere (OK, many places on the Internet) that if your intestinal homeostasis is disturbed, your body doesn't break down food or toxins very well, and scary smells escape through your skin. My gut has calmed down, but I don't smell any better.

To my horror, I just read that many anti-depressants, as well as more complex drugs like Lithium, are known culprits that can trigger this weird condition. It means people think you're not only disturbed, you are also too off-kilter to tend to your own hygienic responsibilities. Ack.

I am so gross. I just become more disgusting with every passing day. I may be forced to become a recluse in the interest of shielding the world from the many things that are just too unpleasant about me.

It doesn't seem fair that in trying to find therapeutic ways to make myself more tolerable to be around, my body continues to find ways to sabotage any attempt I make at being socially acceptable. Forget normal.

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