Beware the mood monster

May has been buried under a very bad mood she can't seem to think her way out of. She is depressed, irritable, extremely self-deprecating, filled with despair, and consumed with negativity.

My heart hurts.

I want to die. Maybe not.

Last night, before falling asleep, I took some time to read the latest issue of O, Oprah Magazine. It's full of self-help advice for those of us who have failed to maintain our bliss. Every article tells me I have the power--I just have to change how I think about circumstances around me. If I can put a positive spin on things, make lemons out of lemonade, my life will come together and I will feel happy. Holy crap, why didn't I think of this?

Those articles had no mention of overriding errant brain chemistry. Maybe that's the point. Chemistry is irrelevant; thinking is everything. My psychiatrist is going to be surprised by that news.

I spent some time on Amazon this morning looking for "better thinking" books. I'll probably get the audio versions since reading books is very difficult for me.

• The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz
• The Voice of Knowledge: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace also Ruiz
• Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar (He teaches this class at Harvard)

Grumpy May. I am sandpaper. A cactus. A rash. Gravel. Teeth and claws.