Nervous. System.

It's been three months since I saw the urologist last. Actually, I see her assistant, a feisty nurse practitioner named Mary. When Mary came into the exam room, she knew immediately something had changed. "What's going on? This isn't the happy face I usually see."

I explained that while I had been making progress with the interstitial cystitis for many months, it all got unraveled in the last six weeks. I explained in detail my issues with stabbing abdominal pain, back pain, nausea, and a litany of other symptoms. I offered that it was probably unrelated and I should just make an appointment with an internist and get a physical while I was at it.

Ha. That it should be so easy.

Mary listened to me and asked questions for 15 minutes. Then she stood up and said, "You need a CT scan. Soon. I have some other thoughts. I'm going to go talk to the doctor and we'll see what she thinks."

It gave me pause. Mary has never called in the doc for as long as I've been going there.

Twenty minutes passed and the doctor came in the room. She was much warmer and friendlier this time. We talked a long time about my physical symptoms, my emotional load, the issues that come with working with survivors of trauma and torture on a daily basis, my shingles and lingering PHN, and my other health concerns, including BP and IBS.

The doc sat back and said, "May, you are on the verge. You are in a precarious situation and you don't even realize it. There is help for you, but I can't do it all and you can't do it alone. You think you can do everything alone, but this time, you're going to have to take a team approach. You have to be on the team. By the way, could you have a more stressful job?"

I asked who else was on the team. Those people include a pain specialist whose work concentrates on conditions related to the nervous system. There's a physiatrist, a psychologist, a therapist who does EMDR, and a physical therapist. I have two books to read, a website to look at, and a CT scan scheduled for next week.

I looked at the list in front of me and asked, "Isn't it possible this is just a flare-up that will go away when whatever irritated me goes away? I mean, yes, this hurts a lot, but it was getting better a few months ago."

Doc looked at me with a sad smile and said, "May, your body is on the verge of a nervous system short-circuit. All you've been through this past year was the start of it, and if you don't take this seriously now, the results could be disastrous. Your nervous system is on overdrive. It is sending out massive waves of signals that are so misinterpreted, they will cause permanent nerve damage if not corrected. The problem is escalating and you need to accept that it's time for a multi-disciplinary approach. There is no waiting."

This really isn't how I hoped to start 2009. I thought bizarre medical conditions would be put to rest in time for the start of the New Year.

So, once again I end the year wanting a whole new brain, but I'd also like to add all new wiring, as well. And a better metabolism.