Put me out of my misery. If I can't have the me that worked so well for so long, I'm not interested in making do with this bland, colorless, unappealing version.
Fuck it.
Never let your neurotransmitters play unattended. Swings of any type are particularly hazardous.
Filling the brainucopia lately:
- Something needs to change. Everything needs to change.
- My weight
- money, money, money
- The seeming disappearance of Joanna
- The owies of the soul
- Fear of losing my job
- My very frustrating faulty memory
- Looking for Plan C
- There is no Plan C
- Forced mood levity
- Being and not doing
- A cure for what ails me. All of it.
- subclinical depression
- Cop anxiety
"I'm on the patch right now...It releases small doses of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off." --Ellen Degeneres
Stuff I wrote before you got here
What brings you to my blog?
I wish I had written this
About Me
- May Voirrey
- I'm a middle-aged woman living under the delusion that I'm much younger. I'm married, and have a canine/feline assortment. I am estranged from almost everyone, especially after they all couldn't run away fast enough when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and then became suicidal--and dared to talk about it openly. I work with people from all over the world. I probably could have done something great in my lifetime, but my brain didn't cooperate long enough for that to happen, so I proudly embrace my averageness, mediocrity, and limited contributions to the betterment of mankind. So much wasted potential. Oh well. I have a lot to say about that and many other things.
Also born on May 5
- Brian Williams
- Kurt Loder
- Michael Palin
- Soren Kierkegaard
- Karl Marx
- Terry Gross
- Adele
- James Beard
- Rex Harrison
- John Rhys-Davies
- Barbara Taylor Bradford
- Lance Henriksen
- Nellie Bly
- Tina Yothers
- Tammy Wynette
- Ann B. Davis
- Kimora Lee Simmons
- Randy Travis
Rules of this blog
Rule #1: Do not give me a hard time for being me. #2: If I say I'm going to kill myself, stay out of it. Seriously.
Huh, what?
Show up and be counted
Copyright Notice
1 comments:
In the last week I've gone from sobbing and raging b/c my best friend has been diagnosed with something icky - treatable, with an almost certain chance of full recovery, but icky icky icky nonetheless - to a jaunty hypomania that's made me productive, sleepless, and irritable. Between Friday and Sunday nights I got a whopping 5 hours of sleep.
Last night, Bowser strongly suggested I take extra Seroquel to knock me out. This morning I woke up feeling like someone sat on my head and stole my feelings. I hated it. HATED IT! I was fully aware that there was an empty place where my feelings had been and a give-a-shit attitude where my energy had been.
I SO get it, May. Sometimes it's not too bad, sometimes it's even fine, but then there's times like this where you just roll your eyes whilst squinting and clenching your teeth and the only thing to say is
Fuck it.
I can't put you out of your misery, but I'll sit here with you. We're supposed to be loving company right now anyways.
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