Saturday, January 5, 2008

I am so insecure

It comes in waves and cycles. I start to believe that nobody likes me. I feel that nobody can stand to be around me. I know I irritate everyone. I am irritating. I am hard to be around. I make people angry. I offend everyone eventually, even if they don't come out and say it.

Eventually, I offend everyone who has contact with me. I'm pretty great at first blush, but it wears off and ultimately leads to the true reason I must, must, must learn to be comfortable and content living emotionally isolated.

I try to be likeable, but sooner or later, I show my true colors. It seems I am incapable of doing otherwise, and that's a shame because it always leads to this alienation.

I'm so much better on paper.


corruptpixie said...

I am a lot like that. I am a very likable person at first. I am kind, loving, considerate and funny. All of these things are a great things to have in someone to want to spend time with, but then my other less enjoyable traits become glaring. I am emotionally stilted, insecure to the point of self loathing, closed off, and a multitude of other nasty quirks that only come up over time. I am a rose with a lot nasty thorns. Online I get away with it a little bit more, it's easier to write cheerfully then actually look and sound cheerful. I wish I had some sage wisdom, but I got na-thing.

Spilling Ink said...

I like you.

May Voirrey said...

Lynn, I know you've slogged through the whole emotional chaos of this blog and you're still checking in, so...thank you.

Unsuicidal, are we really like this or do we just believe we are? Your second-to-last sentence reminds me of the New Yorker cartoon of two dogs using a computer while one says to the other, "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." Exactly.

Does it mean something that damaged people have to go virtual to find understanding?