How to be kneeless

In 2000, while juggling graduate school, three part-time jobs, and a looming mood disorder, I decided that commuting by bike and putting in 50 miles every Sunday morning was getting boring, so I decided to take up running. I weighed about 140 pounds, and I was mortified. I was frustrated that my seriously healthy lifestyle did not equate to the size 4 clothes I so desperately yearned to wear.

Here's the thing. I am not all that impulsive. Research is my friend, my comfort, my hobby. I research everything to death before jumping in, mostly to avoid making mistakes. I hate to make mistakes. I bought this book that was going to guide me along in my new sport, and I followed the plan to the letter. Running was actually OK.

Six weeks into the plan, it was obvious that something was very wrong. Whenever I walked, it felt like someone was trying to peel my kneecaps off. The book said that if I had pain at week six, to go see a doctor. I went to a sports medicine specialist, and ended up having knee surgery. Chrondomalacia. Cartilage. Two words I couldn't spell until I had this problem.

The doctor was very clear that I had done nothing to bring this upon myself, and running had not caused it, rather, it just made it apparent sooner. He told me that running and walking quickly were two of the worst things I could do and so it would be for the rest of my life. Furthermore, the surgery would only be a temporary fix and I would likely need the surgery again in about five years, regardless of my activity level. Dr. Steve told me it was not too late to ride my bike and actually see the world before I developed the weird obsessive behaviors of a runner.

Whenever I hear interesting knee news related to chrodomalacia, I immediately tune in and pay attention. The other night while I was sitting here blogging, a commercial came on TV for Cigna insurance. There is no voice over, only words on a black screen. Very dramatic.

I read the words as they appeared and then melted from the screen. A weight loss of only one pound takes four pounds of pressure off of your knees...

Hmmm. Realllly? I did the math very quickly. If I lose 45 pounds, my knees will float freely as I will have achieved zero pounds of pressure on those joints! Suddenly, it became clear--I had found the real link between weight loss and avoiding knee surgery. Avoid knees altogether!

Damn, I am brilliant sometimes.