How did I get to be this sad? I don't think it's medication related. I was pretty sad before that change.
At least I have all of that lithium coursing through my brain preventing me from taking a long nap outdoors in the single-digit night weather. Not sure what the lamictal is doing for me. The EMSAM may or may not be having an effect on me. I can't determine that.
I'm sad. I'm restless. I'm bored. I'm exhausted. I'm slow. I have no one to talk to, and damn it, I am not going to pay someone to talk to me and pretend to care. I don't feel well and it's so hard to maintain an optimistic outlook when that's a chronic condition.
I used to be smart, funny, and creative. My mood and the medications that supposedly stop it from gettting worse have made me into a fat, uninteresting blob of personalityless cognitive dysfunction.
I'm not blue; I'm gray.
photo by me, 2005
1 comment:
I've been feeling gray, too. The only thing that has been busting it up at all are the bouts of panic interspersed throughout the thing. Maybe winter does make it worse, May. It's so gross and nasty - how could it not?
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