Sunday, August 12, 2012

I think about it every day

Did you know that there is not one day that goes by--not one--that I don't spend some time thinking about suicide? This may be the only consistent thing about me, and it has been going on since 2004.

I can't say that I consider suicide on a daily basis, although, there are those days, too. Every day, at some point, I just...weigh my options. Some days, I simply wonder what effect my death would have on the world (little to none). Other days, I think about what details of my adult existence would need to be taken care of, what affairs put in order, before I could let myself go.

Having ruminated on this for eight years, I think it is safe to say that I am not having a mental health crisis, nor is there a chance of an imminent event of self-release. That being said, I'm very comfortable having these discussions with myself. I see nothing wrong with that, but it's not something I can talk to anyone about. Who would ever feel as comfortable as I do having this discussion?

One of many things I keep to myself.

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