What's in a mood?

It's raining outside. It's pouring, in fact, and it's only 50 degrees. I have only one thing to say about this: Blech.

I do not like rain, wind, cold, or cloudy days. Don't get me started on Daylight Savings Time coming and going. These conditions wreak havoc on my moods. Just knowing this makes me feel like I'm a high-maintenance, delicate, moody idiot. It's just weather, after all.

Hormones. I have them, they are changing, and they make me sweat, especially when I'm sleeping. Or trying to sleep. Poor sleep makes May a bit of an emotional mess. Hormonal changes, well, I can't really say.

My neuralgia is in a flare today. Pain is hard. It will really wear you down.

July 1st is quickly approaching. I can't go to the doctor very much after that and until October because the grant that funds my job doesn't last for the entire fiscal year. My health insurance starts a new year, and hence, a new deductible on July 1. Paying bills and managing my financial issues is very hard in the summer. Health care is always the first thing to go. It's a luxury, and frankly, I think there's something wrong with that. Anxiety. This impending adjustment to my situation is all about anxiety.

Frank has six major home improvement projects in progress. I want my home to be whole again.

I don't know. I'm just in a bit of a low mood today, but I can't pinpoint a reason. I have a job I like, I have a place to live, enough to eat, a spouse who puts up with me, and so much to be thankful for. I've been told that I just need to be mindful and to maintain positive thoughts and say those esteem-bolstering affirmations.

Are my moods really all my fault? And who gets credit for the days when my even moods are completely chemically manufactured? Same life situation, different brain activity. Nature, nurture, pharmaceutical influence.

It's all so complex.