Customer Service, Part XXIV

The following post is the transcript of my e-chat conversation with a Verizon customer service representative earlier today. The conversation was cut/pasted directly from the chat dialog box. God...help...me...

Please wait for a Verizon Wireless sales representative to assist you with your order. Thank you for your patience! A Verizon Wireless online pre-sales specialist has joined the chat. You are now chatting with Karen

Karen: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. May I help you with your order today?
You: Hi, Karen. I'm thinking about getting a PC card. I see all the prices are for 2-year contracts. Can I get a card with only a 1-year contract? Where would the pricing for that be?

Karen: I'd be happy to help you with that.

WAIT 2 MINUTES

Karen: That's a great question. Is it okay if I take a moment to research that for you?
You: Sure. No problem.

WAIT 2 MINUTES

Karen: I will be right with you.

WAIT 5 MINUTES, remove bra without removing shirt

Karen: I'm sorry for the delay. I'll be right with you.

WAIT 3 MINUTES, file nails

You: OK

Karen: You can get a PC card with a 1 year contract.
Karen:You will just have to go to accessories.

You: I am there now, but I don't see where the 1-year pricing is.

WAIT 4 MINUTES, send email

Karen: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.
You: OK

WAIT 2 MINUTES check email

Karen: Are you an existing Verizon Wireless customer?
You: Yes. I have a Family Share with 2 phones.
Karen: I will be right with you.
You: OK

WAIT 4 MINUTES, consider using the bathroom

Karen: Are you able to find what you are looking for?

You: Well, I'm not sure. I'm looking at wireless PC cards, but the prices listed are for 2-year plans, but I only want one year. I don't know what the price will be for any of the cards I see online then since they only show 2-year plans. I suspect that a shorter contract affects the price of the device (card).

WAIT 3 MINUTES, flip through cable channels

Karen: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.
You: OK

WAIT 3 MINUTES try to determine plot of muted Spanish language soap opera

Karen: I'm sorry for the delay. I'll be right with you.
You: OK

WAIT4 MINUTES, update blog

You: For example, the AirCard 595 shows a price of $149.99 w/2-yr contract, minus online discount brings it to 99.99. But with a 1-yr contract?

Karen: What kind of phone do you have?
You: I'm not sure why that matters since I'm shopping for a PC card, but my phone is an LG something. Wait. I have to go get it.
You: LG VX8700
Karen: I am going to find you a PC card.
You: The PC card is for my laptop. I'm considering getting wireless service for the laptop for when I travel.

WAIT 3 MINUTES, inspect dog for ticks

Karen: I'm sorry for the delay. I'll be right with you.
You: OK

WAIT 2 MINUTES, wonder if bathroom is really an option

Karen: I am looking for a pc card that's compatible with your phone.

You: OK, but it's not for my phone, it's for my laptop computer so I can get wireless internet service in any Verizon market.

Karen: What kind of slot does your phone have?

You: My computer? It has everything. PCMCIA, USB, and slots compatible with all media.

WAIT 2 MINUTES, surf Sprint Cellular Website

Karen: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.
You: OK

WAIT 3 MINUTES, Google search bizarre word search combinations


Karen: I recommend the Verizon USB 720 modem. Since your computer doesn’t have a standard PC card slot/express slot, this is an option that will work with your laptop and give you access to the Internet.

And that’s when I gave up. It was painfully obvious she didn’t know SHIT about the Verizon product or laptops or PC cards or the plans that go with them. Enough is enough. Was she unaware that we were using the Internet to communicate? I was utilizing the internal wireless modem on my very expensive, bells-and-whistles-filled laptop throughout the conversation.

You: Never mind, dear. I’m going to the Verizon store to talk to the people there. Thanks for trying, hon.

I disconnected from the chat, and a new window popped up, asking me to rate my customer service experience with Verizon. Well, I was happy to oblige. And then, braless and up-to-date on my blogging and email, I finally went into the bathroom and peed gratefully.