Monday, March 31, 2008

The lesser of two evils?

First, let me take a moment to appreciate the persons who came up with the concept of tagless underwear, tagless T-shirts, tagless camisoles, microfiber, and Gold Bond antiseptic wipes. Everybody say 'Hallelujah!' Hallelujah!

I'd like to ask the makers of Vicodin why it doesn't do anything for me. Am I immune to it, or is the pain that far off the chart? For a long time, I thought that bipolar disorder was the worst thing my body could come up with to do to itself. And then I got shingles. I have begged for deliverance from both.

Today I mulled over which is worse. If the doctor is right (and I hope he isn't), I have a strong possibility of being left with permanent nerve damage and postherpetic neuralgia as a result of the shingles. Then, there's bipolar disorder. If I had to choose one or the other, I think the BP. At least there are ways to manage that pain. It' easier to hide, and, I'm learning, something you can work through.

This other thing...It's a monster. If it does stick around, I'll be in trouble. I don't know how the stress of chronic pain--this pain--wouldn't eventually trigger me into a deep depression.

As a footnote, I am about to stress myself out into the stratosphere. Early tomorrow morning, I leave for a conference in New York City. The medications nauseate me, my body is its own portable torture operation, and I have to hare a room. If this doesn't trigger me, then I've proven the strength of my constitution.

I am so afraid of being stuck in my room, sick, that I bought a contract and wireless modem for Verizon Broadband Wireless service for my laptop. I wasn't planning on taking the computer until I got sick. I hope to be able to keep in touch while I'm there. This may be the only place I get to work out my "stuff."

For now, I just want to make it through that very long flight. Next post, East Coast!

1 comment:

Spilling Ink said...

Yay!! May has broadband wireless! Yes, it would be crappy to be left with no distraction should the need arise.

Take it from a fellow medical-oddity -- you also might NOT have permanent nerve damage. I'll be rooting along with you for that particular scenario. :-)