I will live another day...in pain

My labs came back. Physically and gynecologically speaking, I am normal, normal, normal. No diabetes, no cancer, no cysts, no endometriosis.

That is wonderful, buuuuuut... It means I have no answers, either. The pain is real, the puffy belly is real, and the fatigue is real. Sigh.

I was given a referral to see a urologist. The gynecologist made this same referral in 2005, but I never followed up because I was too busy dealing with my brain melting down and falling apart. First things first. I wasn't going to spend the money for the urologist if I was still mulling whether or not to commit suicide.

My suicidal tendencies are under control for now, so I've already called and made an appointment with the urologist. It's not until May, though. The current theory is that I have interstitial cystitis, a diagnosis from 20 years ago come back to make me miserable again.

There is no cure for it, and the diagnostic methods and treatments are harrowing in their unpleasantness. The dietary issues are beyond huge, and include no caffeine at all, no acidic drinks, no citrus, no spicy foods, no black beans, no canned soup, no peanut butter, chocolate, cheddar cheese, and no soy. That's like 90% of my diet right there. I'm going to live on lettuce, water, and eggs. Someone is destined to find me with my face pathetically plastered against the front window of the Indian restaurant down the street, drooling and hysterical from separation anxiety.

Beyond the discomfort, IC is also one of those diseases that 99% of the population either has never heard of or completely misunderstands what it is (or isn't). Kind of like bipolar disorder. I read recently that people who have brain-based illnesses are also more likely than other people to have disorders that affect the nerves and nerve endings in the lower torso/abdomen. I have IBS, so maybe there's something to that. Can't I get something normal and easy to explain for once--something that isn't inherently embarrassing??? Something that everyone can agree actually exists? For a short and absolutely excellent article/commentary on this, do read this piece from Salon.com! The author does a great job of explaining the politics of medical research, and why illnesses like this make people roll their eyes. Christ, what's next for me, fibromyalgia?

I must have done something really, really heinous in a past life.