That's not the cure I was hoping for

From the latest research files:

• To stimulate your metabolism, exercise.
• To help prevent diabetes, exercise.
• To ward off depression, go outside and exercise.
• To best care for your heart, exercise.
• To mitigate insomnia, exercise.
• To keep yourself alert, light exercise is recommended.
• And, all over the news today, the number one way to prevent Alzheimer's disease: exercise.

So, when is vanilla-peanut butter-chocolate chunk ice cream therapy going to be prescribed? Really, we've waited long enough. The time has come.