Today was my coworker's funeral. It was depressing at the start, and I was a bit shocked that the casket was right there in the church lobby, open. I didn't look at Marlene. I didn't want to see her that way. Instead, I walked to the other side of the lobby and took in the photo display that recounted the happy days Marlene had enjoyed in her life.
During the service (and the pastor absolutely rocked), there were many kind words said about Marlene. I would say they were all accurate and sincere, and not made-up, phony funeral crap. As I sat there listening, I thought, "What would people say about me if I were to die tomorrow? The list I came up with is probably pretty close to correct, but it's also unflattering.
When I got home, I made two lists. I had a therapy session today, so I shared the list with my therapist. She found it troubling. She finds my whole life right now to be troubling. Without further ado, (what is ado?)...the lists:
What they will say when I'm gone:
May was...
Stubborn
Negative
Intimidating
A Bitch
Cynical
Unfriendly
Driven
Slob
Good at motivating
Showed initiative
Sad
Irritable
Honest
Direct
Acerbic wit
Hard to know
Short-tempered
Easily frustrated
Good listener
Diplomatic
Scattered
Erratic
Angry
Overly talkative
Distant
Unforgiving
Intolerant
Self-absorbed
She was Bipolar, you know.
Words I wish they would say:
Kind
Compassionate
Caring
Sensitive (in the good way)
Funny
Intelligent
Fun
Articulate
Thoughtful & considerate
Sincere
Generous
Charismatic
Understanding
Open-minded
Dedicated
She tried hard
Loyal
Honest
Self-reliant
Good listener
Wise
Friendly
Self-aware
Undiminished by her illness
Worthwhile as a person, and not just as a person who can do things or get things done
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