Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Not as emotional as I thought

One of my coworkers died this week. This is someone I helped hire. In fact, she was hired to take over my job when I moved into a new position.

You can hear a pin drop in the office today. The staff is stunned—Marlene was only 57 years old, and her death was very sudden.

I sat in a meeting today and watched my coworkers cry, ask questions, and comfort each other. I, on the other hand, just sat there feeling very uncomfortable. I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel any sense of loss. I felt…nothing.

I spent the next hour wondering who would pick up Marlene’s workload until a replacement can be hired. I wondered if I would have to train the new person since I’m the one who knows the job the best. I wondered who would be hired to take her place.

I didn’t think about how Marlene’s sons were holding up, or when the funeral would be, or if there was anything I could do to help my boss or colleagues. I am oddly detached.
Maybe the meds are working better than I thought.

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