Monday, October 22, 2007

May I please be excused?

I cannot go to the meeting. Now that I see the agenda, I know that it's best if I just use the meeting time for something else.

My heart damn near stopped when I saw that they would be there--and for a 45-minute presentation. The time is too long, the room is too small, and there's no easy way for me to run if panic overwhelms me. I'm sorry, but I just can't do it. As it is, I cannot even look at them, let alone be in the same room. I will hyperventilate. My heart will beat through my chest. I could stroke out. I cannot guarantee I won't have a meltdown or start sobbing uncontrollably.

Please don't make me go. I would have to take handfuls of Xanax, but then I wouldn't be able to drive home. I think it's better if you just let me skip this one. There is only so much I can be expected to handle with grace. This is beyond my scope of possible composure. There is just no way. Not yet.


Spilling Ink said...

Can you call in sick?

May Voirrey said...

Why not? I show up sick every day.
Actually, I've put in such a ridiculous amount of OT in the past few months, I had no problem getting out of it. One less thing to add to my insomnia tonight.

Spilling Ink said...

Good. I'm glad you're not going. Facing fears is one thing, but we have to protect ourselves from being in certain situations at times when it wouldn't work out and might completely overwhelm. That has been a difficult thing for me to learn. I think the whole 'being nice to ourselves' thing would be a good thing for both of us right now.